Dec. 18th, 2009 08:09 pm
It's been ages since I updated here, but I'm doing so tonight because instead of being out buying my christmas tree, I'm stuck inside because of snow. Still, snow! and I have south africans on video and can complete the Paul Harris dance now I'm away from the office, so it's not a bad evening even if less festive than I intended.

So what's happened since I last posted?

I started my new job - it's all going really well and it was definitely the right choice, even if being so close to my workplace means I don't get snow days. I have a swipe card and am in the process of recruiting a minion: bow before my power. I do now have to iron work clothes though, which I had successfully avoided for the past 31 years of my life

I have achieved the coveted yoga sequence of going from a forward bend into a handstand and then into plank position all in one seamless movement. Go me! My teacher was right when she said I'd get it eventually, and private lessons have paid off. Now to make it look elegant...

There was a date with a south african man called Ryan, but I'm not sure how fussed I am about a second one - certainly not as fussed as him which is probably a bad sign.

I've received a distinction for my MSc ethnography module, and the first part of my discourse analysis module, and submitted the preliminary proposal for my final dissertation. I've just got to hope they accept the proposal and I'll be admitted to the final module.

I will be back soon with test updates. We didn't get any for the one dayers, because the results were wrong and therefore do not officially exist in lemonbellaland.

ETA: thanks for cards/presents[ profile] fringedweller [ profile] heatherbelles and [ profile] writan_bur

ETA Again: Thank you to [ profile] fringedweller & [ profile] laceymcbain for my virtual gifts. I only just noticed them because I am useless. [ profile] fringedweller I will come and see kittens (even though I suspect they're quite large by now...). Any january weekends not good for you?
I'm not doing scores for everyone, for a number of reasons:

1) I might cry
2) I missed quite a bit of the last match because I was lost in some woods.
3) The world isn't fair, so it doesn't get my ratings. That'll teach it.
4) I might cry.

I will however rate Graeme:

Match points 110
Graemeyness points 674
Sveltness points 32

He gets 110 match points because that's his ten and everyone else's tens, seeing as no one else could be bothered to play cricket and Graeme did it all. That was a phenomenal innings, worthy of a win and certainly worthy of the man of the match award, (Owais Shah? Really? We're happy with that are we?). He scored half the runs (again) and one other person doing their job (whether bowler or batsman) would have secured that win.

Those Graemeyness points are because he was Graemey throughout, all biff-y and determined and so, *so* disappointed at the end. He's given up trying to explain why it happened again, because it's really nothing to do with him. Also, Micky Arthur clearly had to dash from the balcony to the dressing room to check he wasn't breaking anything important (like a bowler for instance).

It is about time they stopped making him do the post match conferences when they lose though. If they made the players who failed answer the inevitable questions, maybe it would make them buck up. ("So Jacques, when was the last time you contributed in a vital, pressure-filled situation?)

He's had more svelteness points before, I know. He was magnificently svelte this time, but almost to the point of being too svelte. It's getting quite hard to imagine him eating a Twix, and one of my favourite things in the world is imagining Graeme Smith eating a Twix.

Incidentally, if I were marking Strauss he'd get -4987. That's a lower mark than Jacques Kallis has ever received, and Jacques Kallis is related to Satan and has funny teeth. By all means refuse a runner because you want to win, but don't blame the umpires or the player concerned, and certainly don't try it when you've had your worst fucking fielder off the field for half the game. In fact, I'm still quite angry about this so I'm taking the ultimate step:

From this day forward StraussCat shall be officially known as BiffCat.
This is the kind of national holiday I can get behind.

Some suggestions for what you can do to observe National Graeme Day:

(BTW, just because you may not know who Graeme Smith is, it doesn't mean you can;t make an effort; This is an inclusive celebration)

1) Hit things really far
2) Get angry at administrators and have to be restrained by a colleague
3) Clean a cricket bat with nail varnish whilst half naked
4) Encourage your pretty young work colleagues to text you when they miss you
5) Injure both your arms and still insist on doing something that requires the use of both arms.
6) Eat a taco really quickly before anyone else notices
7) Be much larger in real life than people expect
8) Tell the truth even when it pisses off important people
9) Be svelte
10) get a huge crowd of Australians to cheer at you
11) Be statuesque
12) Covet other people's chips
13) Complete the to do list you have pinned to your fridge
14) Look suprisngly good in pink
15) Cheat on your fitness test
16) Have captainly hair
17) Point at people until they move
18) Be much better and significantly less whiny than KP
19) Covet shiny things
20) Try to touch your nose with your tongue when you're bored

If you're wanting to celebrate the day from a different angle, (or you've done all the above things by lunchtime and want to challenge yourself) you could also choose from the following options:

A) Celebrate National Ashwell Prince Day by being really, really annoyed about things
B) Celebrate National AB Day by videoing everything, even when the people you're filming are getting a bit annoyed
C) Celebrate National Dale Day by catching a small, naive crocodile
D) Celebrate National Paul Harris Day by being good natured whilst everyone tells you you're not terribly good at what you do, despite the fact that you are.
E) Celebrate National Morne Morkel Day by walking in the wrong direction
F) Celebrate National Makhaya Day by yelling and whooping all day
G) Celebrate National JP Day by being incredibly cool
H) Celebrate National Albie Morkel Day by being a lot shorter than your brother
I) Celebrate National Neil McKenzie Day by turning a light switch on and off
J) Celebrate National Hashim Amla Day by growing an excellent beard
K)Celebrate National Wayne Parnell Day by being much more attractive than a nineteen year old has any right to be
L) Celebrate National Roelof Van De Merve Day by letting people call you Rudolph
K) Celebrate National Mark Boucher Day by picking a fight with a phone box
Twenty20 South Africa v India, Trent Bridge in which I saw Graeme runs, Herschelle drank juice and South Africans were awesome yet again )

On another note: If you're going to turn up at a cricket match with 8 overs left, quite drunk and then attempt to chat me up, asking a stupid question ("so what brings you here?") and touching my leg repeatedly until I kick you in the ankle is not the way to do it.
Thank God for Graeme Smith not being Stuart Broad.


Feb. 7th, 2009 11:17 pm
I'm so glad I declared myself an honourary South African... Graeme's penguin is clearly finding this as funny as me.
First Test, Perth: In which Ricky Ponting was humiliated, The Australian public learned about Bovril and Graeme ordered a man to massage him in several different places )

And finally,

Dear Mr Ponting,

You should probably be a little careful about making pointed speeches about the team having too many "passengers" and about the need for "personnel changes". The two most noteable passengers in this match were yourself and Matthew Hayden. Feel free to pack your bags at any time.

No love, me.

P.S. Chokers
You know I love you, and you and all your little South Africans have been excellent today, but I'm coming to watch you tomorrow and you got out!

I can't help being a little bit hurt by that.
Okay, so this year I'm doing match ratings but for South Africa rather than England. I started doing them for England but they all came out below three with the phrase "not as attractive as he should be" next to them. And what's the point of doing that?

England v South Africa 1st Test )

Okay, just imagine what their scores will be when they win.
Has anything interesting happened in that time? Erm....

There were Fantastic Lemurs. They jumped and stretched and yawned. Unfortunately I missed the oportunity to scratch one behind the ears because I was being good and following The Not-Stroking-Wild-Animals-and-Getting-Your-Arm-Ripped-Off Rule.

There was Batting!Geraint (who has been worryingly absent up until this point)

There was a surprise meeting with [ profile] akkrenskarin (although not that much of a surprise seeing as it was at St Lawrence) and a personal tour through Canterbury shopping centre.

There was a mediocre England performance. (BTW, I'm pretending Matt Prior doesn't exist, there's an invisible man keeping wicket for England atm - I am not retiring the List of Idiotic People with Ridiculously Optimistic Opinions about Matt Prior just yet)

There was the devestating news that Sangakkara won't be playing in the championship on the days I'd planned to go and see him Warwickshire. I'm thinking of writing a letter to Sri Lanka asking for him back.
I had the journey home from hell yesterday. It took me seven hours to get home from Leicester (it usually takes an hour and a half): including three hours sat stock still on the M1; four roads being closed just as I was getting on them; nearly being squashed by an HGV being blown over; one full travelodge; and more of Northampton than I ever wished to see. Thanks to [ profile] indian_skimmer for the remote travelodge location and Stuart Broad related entertainment.

England/Australia one day match (I don't actually know which one we're on - it's just one long nightmare )

South Africans )

Geraint News )

March 2014

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