I can't do fancy picture posts, and I haven't been able to find Neil McKenzie to poke him until he thwacks me, but I did get to be quite stern in a meeting.

And now I'm spending the eving watching Graeme score 154*.
This is the kind of national holiday I can get behind.

Some suggestions for what you can do to observe National Graeme Day:

(BTW, just because you may not know who Graeme Smith is, it doesn't mean you can;t make an effort; This is an inclusive celebration)

1) Hit things really far
2) Get angry at administrators and have to be restrained by a colleague
3) Clean a cricket bat with nail varnish whilst half naked
4) Encourage your pretty young work colleagues to text you when they miss you
5) Injure both your arms and still insist on doing something that requires the use of both arms.
6) Eat a taco really quickly before anyone else notices
7) Be much larger in real life than people expect
8) Tell the truth even when it pisses off important people
9) Be svelte
10) get a huge crowd of Australians to cheer at you
11) Be statuesque
12) Covet other people's chips
13) Complete the to do list you have pinned to your fridge
14) Look suprisngly good in pink
15) Cheat on your fitness test
16) Have captainly hair
17) Point at people until they move
18) Be much better and significantly less whiny than KP
19) Covet shiny things
20) Try to touch your nose with your tongue when you're bored

If you're wanting to celebrate the day from a different angle, (or you've done all the above things by lunchtime and want to challenge yourself) you could also choose from the following options:

A) Celebrate National Ashwell Prince Day by being really, really annoyed about things
B) Celebrate National AB Day by videoing everything, even when the people you're filming are getting a bit annoyed
C) Celebrate National Dale Day by catching a small, naive crocodile
D) Celebrate National Paul Harris Day by being good natured whilst everyone tells you you're not terribly good at what you do, despite the fact that you are.
E) Celebrate National Morne Morkel Day by walking in the wrong direction
F) Celebrate National Makhaya Day by yelling and whooping all day
G) Celebrate National JP Day by being incredibly cool
H) Celebrate National Albie Morkel Day by being a lot shorter than your brother
I) Celebrate National Neil McKenzie Day by turning a light switch on and off
J) Celebrate National Hashim Amla Day by growing an excellent beard
K)Celebrate National Wayne Parnell Day by being much more attractive than a nineteen year old has any right to be
L) Celebrate National Roelof Van De Merve Day by letting people call you Rudolph
K) Celebrate National Mark Boucher Day by picking a fight with a phone box

"I didn't have any kit. Luckily I'd put some pants in my bag to protect my bats on the flight home (Yes, there are several things funny about that statement alone) and I managed to steal a shirt from Jacques (suggesting that Jacques wouldn't just lend him one), and I have a pullover from Harry with a big hamburger stain on it. (Harris so drops food on his clothing) Morne was in there helping me dress, putting my thigh pad on and everything."

Graeme, I love you. Also, Whilst Graeme doesn't say it, I'm absolutely certain a box is harder to put in place with no hands than a thigh pad.

Seriously, why couldn't *that* South African have emigrated?
Yesterday, I had a surprise day off and was able to go and see South Africa v England Lions at Grace Road. I saw the following things:

1) Herschelle batting. Herschelle batting is special.

2) Graeme doing paper work on the balcony. He licked an envelope! He chewed his pen! And at one point, had to make an announcesment that he was putting something in an envelope! It was a thing of wonder.

3) Graeme eating a taco. Yes, eating a taco. And, yes, it was exactly as fantastic as you'd think it would be. There was finger licking, more finger licking, and then that moment everyone gets with a taco where you have to just decide to put all the rest in your mouth at once, before you lose it down your jumper.

There are now only three things left on my List of Things I want To See Graeme Doing.

1) Batting - This seems destined to never actually happen
2) Wear his glasses. There are contact lenses, which means there should be a pair of glasses. I like men in glasses.
3) Okay, I really can't explain number three.
And terrifying, absolutely terrifying.

I completely and utterly lost faith in them, but I'm blaming all the damage England have done to me over the years. I just have to learn that other teams won't treat me the same way. Also, I never lost faith in Graeme, just the others' ability to stick with him.

*pats South Africans*
Okay, so this year I'm doing match ratings but for South Africa rather than England. I started doing them for England but they all came out below three with the phrase "not as attractive as he should be" next to them. And what's the point of doing that?

England v South Africa 1st Test )

Okay, just imagine what their scores will be when they win.

March 2014

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