South Africa v Australia

[lemonbella]

McKenzie 3,945,324

That's the highest score I've ever given anyone and I don’t care. They've made him go away now and that makes me very sad.

He gets all of those points for THIS because it's possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen. I particularly like how hard McKenzie laughs after he's done it.

I miss McKenzie so much already that I've even forgiven him for that boy band photograph.

Graeme 4050

Poor Graeme. To break your hands twice in two months is incredibly bad luck, and proves that Johnson should burn in hell. He didn’t actually get to play a lot of cricket, but gets half of those points for inappropriately stroking his colleague and then getting whacked on the hand for it.

The other 2000 are because he cleans his bats lovingly whilst naked. Incidentally, that was #4378 of South Africans Being Exactly Like They Are In My Head.

The last 50 points are for referring to nail varnish as the stuff "ladies use on their feet" and doing an interview in which he said he'd "grown up" and so didn’t need to date models anymore.

For the record, Imaginary Graeme drank hot chocolate with marshmallows in and spent a lot of his time trying to irritate Shaun Pollock.

Amla 7

Amla wasn't particularly excellent in this series. That's sad. He should have been. He still gets 7 points because he's not Australian.

Kallis minus 4093

Bastard. Stupid waste-of-space fucking bastard. When was the last time Kallis did anything of note? When? All he had to do on the final day was see off the new ball. He's supposedly this great batsman with 10,000 runs but when has he actually scored them when anyone but Jacques Fucking Kallis needed them?

Bastard.

What's even more annoying is that I gave him so many opportunities to win my favour. I offered up all manner of things to the Lord of the Underworld and he didn’t even take the bloody offer. Bastard.

I don’t even start me on giving him the bloody captaincy. Bastard

de Villiers 8

I can’t mark AB low because he was the only one to score a century and also because I think they might have taken the vice captaincy away from him when it looked like he might actually have to do some actual captaining. They were obviously intending for him to do a few years of warm up pointing with Graeme taking the actual responsibility.

Also, AB forever gets 8 points for filming Graeme nakedly cleaning his bats and then ruffling his hair.

Duminy 7

He's still cooler than any of the Australians.

Boucher 6

I like to think that he's made a lot of prank phone calls to the Australians' hotel. Ponting would totally fall for "I.P Freely"

Harris 8

It's slightly scary that Harris was probably the most effective bowler.

Morkel

I'm not giving Morkel a mark. I'm just going to give him a report saying things like "keep trying" and "tidies up well after practice!"

Steyn 7

It can’t always be left up to Dale, although I wish it could be. Gets 7 points for catching a naïve crocodile. .

Ntini 8

Had some sparkling spells. Just a bit of a shame no one else did.

Comments

[sophia-silfaery.livejournal.com]

Oh but Morne :( He's lovely and he tries so hard.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

That's why I resolved to say Only Positive Things.

[sophia-silfaery.livejournal.com]

If I wasn't so scared of actually turning into a stalker I'd facebook him and say nice things.

[indian-skimmer.livejournal.com]

AB was meant to be vice-captain in charge of sending out the right drinks at the break and remembering Graeme's gum and making sure everyone got a hug after wickets. I'm not sure they expected him to be in actual charge of people quite yet.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

oh, that was an excellent catch...

Sadly, I think we're about to watch the implosion of the South African team.