First Test: South Africa v England

[lemonbella]

Graeme 8 14 (29)

He gets an 8 for his batting, because there wasn't a great deal of it. Although it's not his fault that bowlers are all sneaky, so obviously he still gets 8. That's a minimum Graeme score. He only has to pick up a bat to get 7.

There was the floppy hat and the ginger beard, and an awful lot of provocative lounging in tiny shorts. I'll take that in exchange for not a lot of biffing, so that gets him a Graemeyness score of 10. Then he gets an extra 4 for being all excellent in the post match interview and for revealing himself as a true cricket romantic by giving Makhaya that last over.

His svelteness was pretty fabulous this match, even with the new, rather shapeless new shirts. Lounging in tiny shorts also showed the svelteness off, so maybe he's decided that lounging is the way to go when it's hot. It's about time he made other less svelte people do some work.

Prince 6

Ashwell wasn't particularly notable this match. He wasn't even a tiny angry person, but he gets 6 anyway. Because I have a soft spot for him.

Amla 32

Hashim was fabulous, so he gets ten for that. He also gets extra points for wrong footing all the commentators as each of them said of successive batsmen "Now AB de villiers/Duminy/Boucher is the one to watch here, England need to be careful or he'll take the game away" whilst Hashim quietly stood at the other end taking the game away from England whilst they weren't watching him. *pats Hashim*

The Dark Lord 10

I'm giving him that because I have to, because I made a bargain when South Africa were 40 for 3. That wasn't the most humiliating part of the bargain but I'm not discussing the rest. I won’t ever discuss the rest.

AB 9

AB lounged a lot and allowed Graeme to lean on him. And ate a carrot, an entire carrot. Graeme stared at him with the special look he saves for people who like vegetables. There was some pretty good batting as well and the requisite leapiness

Duminy 7

His batting wasn't so good because he's going through a bit of a lean patch. However, he gets all those points because he's the only one who looks cool in those stupid white sunglasses. They're ridiculous and look ridiculous on everyone except JP. When JP wears them you can imagine him driving a Maserati, when other people wear them you can imagine them wearing a white coat and conducting experiment on some sort of new particle.

Boucher 9

Suitably Boucheresque this match, with batting and leaping and pointing. He gets an extra point because he clearly consulted Graeme about the pointing. As he should.


Harris! 17
I got to do my special Harris dance because he was fabulous and all shouty. He will always get extra points anyway for inadvertently exposing all commentators as the idiots they are as they persist in saying Harris is a rubbish bowler whilst simultaneously watching him get wickets. Saying "he doesn’t spin the ball" and ignoring the fact that a) he gets loads of wickets b) he consistently gets the wickets of good batsmen c) he deliberately plays on the fact that he's known not to spin the ball to get batsmen out and d) he gets loads of wickets, shows such a complete and utter lack of understanding about the art of bowling and spin bowling in particular.

Larger Morkel 8

Morkel, Morkel, Morkel. There were some fantastic spells and also quite a lot of no-balls. Usually the no balls count against him, but this time they made Swann's final over last for 10 balls and then he got out. I like to think it was a plan.

Friedel 9

6 of those points are for being called Friedel and being freckly. Originally he only had those 6 because he's Not Ryan. But then he bowled that last spell and leapt so high he caught AB off guard.

Ntini 10

It was his match, so he gets those because he's been excellent for so long and I remember watching his first ever test match and he was excellent then. Also Dale said he was lovely when Dale was all little and innocent and he let Dale bowl with the wind and Dale said "and I've made a career out of that." Okay, Dale gets 10 too, for being Dale.

Comments

[indian-skimmer.livejournal.com]

JP once made the *pink* sunglasses look quite cool and like the kind of thing cool people would wear.

I'm very much looking forward to the video of the carrot. We don't have to tape over that soon do we?

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid we might have to. I'm going to need the Ryaan tapes back too. You can keep two in total, because they're the two you sent through but I'm already having to tape over other things. Final Test Geraint has gone.

[indian-skimmer.livejournal.com]

Oh! Final test Geraint! Who was sad and upsetting and horrible ut it seems and that he's had to go.

I'm bringing the Zimbabwe tapes back because I have bits of those on other tapes so I can prove that they happened. I will attempt to visit Bourne Sainsburys during the holidays because they often have blank tapes.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

I was never going to be able to watch final test Geraint because of the upset, but it was good to know he was there

[indian-skimmer.livejournal.com]

It was. With him being white and test-y. But he's happy with his pigs now.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

And with the big hat. Maybe he still wears the big hat with the pigs

[indian-skimmer.livejournal.com]

Oh... I hope so. In the summer when it's hot.

Dale spent a lot of quality time presenting things to fans while wearing a vest btw so he totally deserves those 10 points.

[writan-bur.livejournal.com]

AB ate a carrot? How healthy!!! I think I would have given him the same look as G. ;-)

[sophia-silfaery.livejournal.com]

Your updates bring me happiness :)

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

an entire carrot. He didn't even have a dip

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

it's hard not to approve with all that thigh

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

Glad to be of service

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

I like that Paul Harris gets an exclamation mark in his name.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

Well, he's exclamation worthy...