Dear England Cricket Team

When you ruined my christmas, I was sensible and considerate and I took a little break and stopped yelling obscenities at you. I left you alone and gave you the time and space you obviously needed. Then you started winning during the matches I didn't watch, and I was grudgingly impressed from a distance.

Now, when I've steeled myself to watch again, dusted off my cricket patriotism and started to get excited, you're going to throw away wickets against New Zealand are you? That's really how it's going to be?

Bastards.