Fic: SGA: How To Reduce Negativity
Apr. 25th, 2006 09:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lemonbellaOkay, so it was an off the cuff remark in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seperis' Journal, and then it became this.
Title: How to Reduce Negativity
Rating: PG (for use of bad words)
Summary: "In retrospect, contracting a business management consultant to review the personnel interaction on Atlantis wasn't the best idea Elizabeth Weir had ever had."
Forseperis. Thanks to fringedweller for the very speedy beta.
~~~
In retrospect, contracting a business management consultant to review the personnel interaction on Atlantis wasn't the best idea Elizabeth Weir had ever had.
~~~
"From observing the interactions of your various departments, in particular yours Dr McKay, we have been able to identify several key patterns of behaviour which could be adversely affecting your output."
The consultant looked pointedly in Rodney's direction, and then turned his attention to Dr Weir who nodded for him to continue.
"One of the most important paradigms to consider when managing a large group of diverse personalities is to incentivise positive interaction."
Rodney sighed loudly, and Elizabeth flicked an admonishing glare in his direction before turning back to the man.
"And how would we do that?"
"One solution we have, which worked very successfully at the US Department of Defence, is the idea of a twice-monthly birthday celebration." The consultant walked around the table as he spoke, handing a document to each person.
"Every two weeks the work community here in Atlantis should take the time to celebrate those birthdays which have taken place. We have found that this helps to facilitate a sense of belonging from each team member, and serves to incentivise positive reinforcement of that membership." The man smiled encouragingly and returned to his seat at the table.
"That sounds like a very…workable idea. What does everyone think?" Elizabeth scanned the room, attempting to engage anyone but Rodney. It didn’t work.
"Are we actually having this conversation? I mean, seriously, have I been drugged by aliens again?"
John leaned forward in his seat, flicking through the policy in front of him. "I think we should put something in here to ensure all department heads wear party hats."
Rodney narrowed his eyes at John and opened his mouth to respond, but Elizabeth cut him off before he got a chance.
"I understand how some people can be resista…"
"Incentivise isn’t even a word!" Rodney exploded.
"I know that these suggestions often seem to come from outside the box so to speak but many of our clients have benefited substantially," explained the consultant patiently, which only served to irritate Rodney further.
"You are seriously suggesting I waste my valuable skills baking cakes instead of, oh I don’t know, saving us from the life sucking aliens!"
The consultant laughed, "Of course not, we wouldn't expect you to use up limited resources on birthday cake, a simple fruit punch should serve to create a festive atmosphere."
"We don't even get cake?"
Elizabeth thought she'd seen the height of Rodney's anger until that moment. "I'm not sure this is about you getting more cake, Rodney."
John looked up from the policy draft he'd been scanning. "Everything's about Rodney getting more cake."
Rodney huffed loudly and rounded on John, waving a pointed finger. "Don’t tell me you agree with this ridiculous waste of time."
"I think it's important that we touch base with each other in order to synergise our team dynamics," John drawled
"Sarcasm doesn't become you, Colonel Sheppard," Elizabeth said.
"I think it would be nice to celebrate birthdays. It would be distraction from imminent death by Wraith." Radek's face was carefully blank as he spoke but Elizabeth thought she could detect a very slight smirk.
Rodney scowled at Radek, "You mutinous little Czech bastard."
"Excuse me Dr McKay," the consultant politely interrupted, "we have also noticed an excess of discriminatory language, which we believe could be detrime….
"So I can call him a bastard, but not a Czech bastard?"
"We would prefer you refrain from any sort of pejorative term."
"How about work-shy motherfucker?"
"Rodney!" Elizabeth was genuinely shocked until she remembered this was Rodney she was dealing with.
"What?"
"I think that would count as a pejorative term," John interjected, returning Rodney's glare with a smirk and leaning back in his chair.
"Naproti tomu ti já můžu říkat, jak se mi sakra zlíbí." Radek replied smugly, causing Colonel Caldwell - who had always had a gift for languages - to laugh out loud.
Rodney leapt up from his seat and pointed at the consultant, "Excuse me! Aren't you going to say anything about that?"
"What did he say?" The consultant took off his glasses and started to clean them with a handkerchief.
"I don’t know, but I'm absolutely certain it was pejorative."
"It didn't seem overtly offensive." The consultant placed his glasses back on the end of his nose.
"So if I learn a new language I can be as insulting as I like? This is so unfair."
"Maybe if you just learn a new personality," John interjected. Rodney turned around and advanced towards him with a murderous glare.
John held up both his hands in surrender. "What!? I was just adding a suggestion to the idea stew."
The consultant coughed loudly and stood up. "Gentlemen, I think we're getting away from the focus…"
Rodney stopped abruptly and turned to face the consultant, jabbing a finger towards him as he spoke, "God help me, but if you say one more word I'm going to shove your powerpoint presentation so far up your…"
Elizabeth stood up before Rodney had a chance to finish.
"You…" she pointed at Rodney, before turning and pointing at John "…and you, outside. Now."
"What? What did I do?" John asked incredulously as he stood up.
Elizabeth ushered them both towards the door as she said, "You're encouraging him."
~ One Week Later ~
Rodney and John walked through the door and took their seats at the back of the room. As Rodney muttered loudly about the injustice and pointlessness of it all, John scanned the room's other occupants. He counted nine marines, four technicians from Rodney's department, two lunch ladies, and a surprising number of botanists.
The suited woman at the front of the room was fiddling with what looked like an Ancient remote control.
Suddenly, the lights dimmed and the screen at the front lit up
Resolving Your Problems Constructively: How to Create a Workplace Free of Negativity
Rodney groaned and put his head in his hands. John unclipped his side arm from its holster and started playing with the safety catch.
~end~
Czech translation: "I, on the other hand, can call you what the hell I like." Thanks totagetes and klenotkafor the translation.
Any beta welcomed, and can a Canadian tell me if 'Bastard' is a commonly used insult in Canada?
seperis' Journal, and then it became this. Title: How to Reduce Negativity
Rating: PG (for use of bad words)
Summary: "In retrospect, contracting a business management consultant to review the personnel interaction on Atlantis wasn't the best idea Elizabeth Weir had ever had."
For
seperis. Thanks to fringedweller for the very speedy beta. ~~~
In retrospect, contracting a business management consultant to review the personnel interaction on Atlantis wasn't the best idea Elizabeth Weir had ever had.
~~~
"From observing the interactions of your various departments, in particular yours Dr McKay, we have been able to identify several key patterns of behaviour which could be adversely affecting your output."
The consultant looked pointedly in Rodney's direction, and then turned his attention to Dr Weir who nodded for him to continue.
"One of the most important paradigms to consider when managing a large group of diverse personalities is to incentivise positive interaction."
Rodney sighed loudly, and Elizabeth flicked an admonishing glare in his direction before turning back to the man.
"And how would we do that?"
"One solution we have, which worked very successfully at the US Department of Defence, is the idea of a twice-monthly birthday celebration." The consultant walked around the table as he spoke, handing a document to each person.
"Every two weeks the work community here in Atlantis should take the time to celebrate those birthdays which have taken place. We have found that this helps to facilitate a sense of belonging from each team member, and serves to incentivise positive reinforcement of that membership." The man smiled encouragingly and returned to his seat at the table.
"That sounds like a very…workable idea. What does everyone think?" Elizabeth scanned the room, attempting to engage anyone but Rodney. It didn’t work.
"Are we actually having this conversation? I mean, seriously, have I been drugged by aliens again?"
John leaned forward in his seat, flicking through the policy in front of him. "I think we should put something in here to ensure all department heads wear party hats."
Rodney narrowed his eyes at John and opened his mouth to respond, but Elizabeth cut him off before he got a chance.
"I understand how some people can be resista…"
"Incentivise isn’t even a word!" Rodney exploded.
"I know that these suggestions often seem to come from outside the box so to speak but many of our clients have benefited substantially," explained the consultant patiently, which only served to irritate Rodney further.
"You are seriously suggesting I waste my valuable skills baking cakes instead of, oh I don’t know, saving us from the life sucking aliens!"
The consultant laughed, "Of course not, we wouldn't expect you to use up limited resources on birthday cake, a simple fruit punch should serve to create a festive atmosphere."
"We don't even get cake?"
Elizabeth thought she'd seen the height of Rodney's anger until that moment. "I'm not sure this is about you getting more cake, Rodney."
John looked up from the policy draft he'd been scanning. "Everything's about Rodney getting more cake."
Rodney huffed loudly and rounded on John, waving a pointed finger. "Don’t tell me you agree with this ridiculous waste of time."
"I think it's important that we touch base with each other in order to synergise our team dynamics," John drawled
"Sarcasm doesn't become you, Colonel Sheppard," Elizabeth said.
"I think it would be nice to celebrate birthdays. It would be distraction from imminent death by Wraith." Radek's face was carefully blank as he spoke but Elizabeth thought she could detect a very slight smirk.
Rodney scowled at Radek, "You mutinous little Czech bastard."
"Excuse me Dr McKay," the consultant politely interrupted, "we have also noticed an excess of discriminatory language, which we believe could be detrime….
"So I can call him a bastard, but not a Czech bastard?"
"We would prefer you refrain from any sort of pejorative term."
"How about work-shy motherfucker?"
"Rodney!" Elizabeth was genuinely shocked until she remembered this was Rodney she was dealing with.
"What?"
"I think that would count as a pejorative term," John interjected, returning Rodney's glare with a smirk and leaning back in his chair.
"Naproti tomu ti já můžu říkat, jak se mi sakra zlíbí." Radek replied smugly, causing Colonel Caldwell - who had always had a gift for languages - to laugh out loud.
Rodney leapt up from his seat and pointed at the consultant, "Excuse me! Aren't you going to say anything about that?"
"What did he say?" The consultant took off his glasses and started to clean them with a handkerchief.
"I don’t know, but I'm absolutely certain it was pejorative."
"It didn't seem overtly offensive." The consultant placed his glasses back on the end of his nose.
"So if I learn a new language I can be as insulting as I like? This is so unfair."
"Maybe if you just learn a new personality," John interjected. Rodney turned around and advanced towards him with a murderous glare.
John held up both his hands in surrender. "What!? I was just adding a suggestion to the idea stew."
The consultant coughed loudly and stood up. "Gentlemen, I think we're getting away from the focus…"
Rodney stopped abruptly and turned to face the consultant, jabbing a finger towards him as he spoke, "God help me, but if you say one more word I'm going to shove your powerpoint presentation so far up your…"
Elizabeth stood up before Rodney had a chance to finish.
"You…" she pointed at Rodney, before turning and pointing at John "…and you, outside. Now."
"What? What did I do?" John asked incredulously as he stood up.
Elizabeth ushered them both towards the door as she said, "You're encouraging him."
~ One Week Later ~
Rodney and John walked through the door and took their seats at the back of the room. As Rodney muttered loudly about the injustice and pointlessness of it all, John scanned the room's other occupants. He counted nine marines, four technicians from Rodney's department, two lunch ladies, and a surprising number of botanists.
The suited woman at the front of the room was fiddling with what looked like an Ancient remote control.
Suddenly, the lights dimmed and the screen at the front lit up
Resolving Your Problems Constructively: How to Create a Workplace Free of Negativity
Rodney groaned and put his head in his hands. John unclipped his side arm from its holster and started playing with the safety catch.
~end~
Czech translation: "I, on the other hand, can call you what the hell I like." Thanks to
tagetes and klenotkafor the translation.Any beta welcomed, and can a Canadian tell me if 'Bastard' is a commonly used insult in Canada?
