England v South Africa 3rd Test Edgbaston

[lemonbella]

Smith 11 (57)
There are not enough words to describe Graeme Smith. That innings was *phenomenal*. The pressure he was under was immense and about a lot more than a single test match, but you never doubted he could do it. No other captain has to deal with the stuff he has to deal with and still no other captain comes near to him in terms of leading from the front.

He gets a Graemeyness score of 57 because in the post match interview, when asked how he'd approached the final run chase he said "I looked at the score and I halved it and knew that's what I had to get and the others could get the rest." It was just such a wonderfully matter-of-fact phrase and there was obviously absolutely no doubt in his mind that he could score half the necessary runs. I suspect Graeme believes that captaincy means you have to get half the runs all the time.

McKenzie 8
He got a 50 when I was watching and did special batting that made me go a bit funny. He'd have 10 if he'd have gone on to get a hundred. He gets an extra point because Shaun Pollock referred to his time off the field as a 'wee break'.

Amla 5
Amla is naturally fantastic, so that means he gets 4 whatever else he does. Didn’t score any runs, despite his team needing them. However he did let himself be groped by Makhaya, so that adds one more.

Kallis 7
Okay, this needs an explanation. He came to the wicket in the first innings and I rashly told indian_skimmer that if he scored a fifty I would forget my uncontrollable hatred of him and start to like him. He proceeded to get a fifty. Bastard. Thank god he didn’t get a century, I promised to declare my undying love for him if that happened.

If I were still allowed to hate him he'd get 3 for having bad teeth and being Kallisy all the time. However, I do not hate him. Not any more. His bowling was vital in the first innings, but he got out at terrible points in both the first and second inningses. He did swear loudly on TV after getting hit in the knackers, so he gets an extra point for that.

Prince 5
I don’t want to score Prince low because he's my reliable little blocker in the middle order. He calms me down and makes me not worry so much. He flapped like an England player though, so his score has to be that low.

deVilliers 7
Not a stand out match for him, but I can’t have him getting less than Kallis. If I wasn't having to be nice to Kallis, AB would be getting a 4. Appalling shot in the first innings that made me swear at him and gave the people sitting behind us reason to crow. He should have hung around for longer in the second innings, even though Graeme had calculated everyone else only had to get 17 each.

Boucher 9
Boucher, Boucher, Boucher. He was as fantastic as a fantastic thing: the Basalt to Graeme's Granite. Basalt's a tough type of rock isn’t it? Both igneous, if I know my rock classification. Continues to be as small and round as a Kent player and gave Graeme a fantastic hug after the win.

Harris 8
For once Harris is easier to score because he had to actually play the spinner's role in this match. He held his nerve to get two very important wickets. Pietersen's shot was awful, yes, but Harris played him like a violin to get him to do it. There's an extra point available for Harris because he's one of the few South Africans to have a voice that sounds like it belongs to him.

(Btw, if you don't know what I'm talking about, close your eyes when AB or Kallis is doing an interview and imagine the type of person you'd expect to have that voice; they should be the other way around. Kallis' is all high and squeaky and AB's is all deep and worthy of a fat person.)

Morkel 7
Came out with the best bowling figures, despite being nerve-shreddingly wayward at times. However, the poor guy had to sit in his pads on the balcony for four hours looking absolutely petrified and you can’t score him low after that.

Nella 9 and a half
It was fantastic to see him in the team again, and however much everyone mocks him, there's not a team in the world who wouldn’t want someone as passionate as him in the side. His bowling wasn't always spot on, but he ripped through the top order when he needed to. He gets two points extra for the phenomenal lift he gave Graeme after he'd won. Graeme was at least two feet off the ground and Nella only had him around the shoulders.

Ntini 7
I can't remember much about Ntini, which is sad because he's ace. His bowling was still not quite what I expect it to be. He can't get less than Kallis though.

Steyn 9
His drinks carrying was top notch, even though he dropped a towel. TMS sat he was 'pacing liked a caged kitten' at being unable to play. I still haven’t worked out whether this was a slip of the tongue or a genuine assessment. It's possible AB deVilliers had to throw bits of screwed up paper for him to chase in the dressing room.

He gets most of his points because 13 runs before South Africa's win he ran out to give Graeme Smith a message. That message can only have been: "you're doing really well, keep hitting things." Either that or "we've started running the big foamy bath and there's some beer in the fridge."

Comments

[indian-skimmer.livejournal.com]

You doubted he could do it. You had a moment and you *doubted*.

I never doubted, even if I did have to sit in the yard and then flinched every time the kitchen door opened in case it was someone coming to tell me about a wicket.

Boucher is some kind of tiny batting god. I don't understand how I ever didn't like Mark Boucher.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

I didn't doubt Graeme. I never doubted Graeme. I doubted the rest of them, and was proven right in all but Boucher's case.

Also I didn't know about the half of the runs theory. If I'd known about that I wouldn't have doubted the others either.

[indian-skimmer.livejournal.com]

That's very true. I would have been a lot less worried if I knew everyone else only had to get 14.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

Even though some of them struggled with that. Maybe Boucher has a half of the half of the runs theory.

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

I vote for "we've started running the big foamy bath and there's some beer in the fridge." I believe that they should stand around Graeme while he is in the big foamy bath and fan his with palm leaves and get him anything he wishes because he was that fantastic.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

There are some other appreciative things happening in that big foamy bath.
It's a big bath, it fits at least half the team in.

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

They'll have to come up with a rota system so everyone can get a turn in the big foamy bath.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

They have a buffet in the corner of the dressing room. That keeps people occupied when other people are using the big foamy bath. They bring Graeme a selection of things from the buffet so he doesn't have to move at all.

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

That's very practical of them.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

It's possible I've thought about their dressing room a little too much.

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

It's not possible to think too much about the South African dressing room.