Australia v South Africa Second Test

[lemonbella]

Graeme 9 (46) [7]
Graeme gets a batting score of 9. I want to give him a ten, but other people were magnificent and I mustn't let Graeme's fantasticness overshadow other people. Even if they're not Graeme and often don't try hard enough to be Graeme. His batting in both innings was crucial and the second innings in particular was all biffy and at one point he actually ran down the wicket. Graeme usually considers running something for other people to do, but he did it this time just because it was a special occasion and it annoyed Ponting.

There's a Graemeyness score of 46 mainly for the five minutes he spent listening intently to Neil McKenzie's thoughts on field placements before leaving everyone exactly where they were. 6 of those points are for the little dance he did when Ponting fell for The Plan, and another 6 are for having The Plan in the first place. He had fluffy hair on the balcony which usually earns an extra 13 points, however, he also made his white shell suit look stunningly attractive and that's a worrying position for me to be in. There's also a half point for ruffling Dale Steyn in much the same way I do my cat.

Graemey Sveltness only gets a 7 not because it's disappeared, or because it's any less excellent, but because it was a bit nippy in Melbourne and those tank tops aren't terribly flattering. Also, he eschewed a perfectly good opportunity to sit around on the balcony in his pants. Herschelle would have sat around in his pants.

McKenzie 8
For a while I thought I wasn't going to be able to give McKenzie a good score for this match and then he did his thing. His thing being to hang around not hitting any balls for three hours and then get fifty. He gets an extra point because he made the commentators go on and on about the fact he needed to "play his shots", without realising that McKenzie's shot *is* the well crafted leave.

Standing at silly point wearing absolutely no protection at all would earn him an extra point for being brave, but it also loses him a point for being incredibly stupid.

Amla 7
Even though he didn't really do much this match, he gets points for hitting the winning runs and Being Hashim Amla. Being Hasmim Amla automatically gets a cricketer 4 points.

Kallis
Kallis doesn't get a score because I can't find my way through the blackness he causes in my soul in order to think about his bowling. On the upside, he does prove exactly why shapeless tank tops with ill-placed piping should not be worn by fat men. You can mentally make his score 1 for that

de Villiers 8 (509)
AB gets two scores: His normal score and then an additional 509 because I forgot him first time around. That's terrible of me, I was all excited about Duminy and forgot AB, and that would make him sad.

He gets an 8, because he carries over batting points for being excellent last time, and then gets an additional 4 for being all the options in the "best catch of the match" competition on the TV coverage. Oh, and there was quite a lot of special hugging and at one point can be clearly said saying "That's my boy" to Dale when he got his fifth wicket in the second innings.

I'm sorry AB. *is contrite*

Duminy 26
Duminy, Duminy, Duminy.

Duminy is a batting God. A special, fantastic, unflappable batting god. That alone would earn him 13, but he gets 4 extra for causing me to spend five minutes at 4am staring at the scorecard trying to work out how on earth South Africa were still batting.

There's an extra 9 in there for fielding in a jumper that was five sizes too big for him.

Boucher 7

Boucher continues to be Boucheresque, and still hasn't shaved. You'd think someone could lend him a razor or point him in the direction of a Boots. Maybe he's trying to Be Hashim Amla in order to get the 4 points. I didn't know getting points in my reviews was that important to him.

Harris 8

Harris gets most of those points for having a strop and refusing to bowl until Graeme moved Amla to a better position. I like my bowlers stroppy. He gets an extra point for warming up in preparation for celebrating on the balcony. He obviously takes celebrating seriously.

Morkel 6
Much improved on the last match, and this time around he got called a giraffe by the commentators. Points for anyone who correctly predicts how the commentators will call Morkel tall at the Sydney Test.

Steyn 23

Steyn the bowler is wonderful enough, but then he became Dale the Batsman too. He was all cross when he got out, like a proper batsman and everything.
He gets less than Duminy, because he got the shiny thing and really Duminy should have got the shiny thing.

He also said Graeme was fantastic, which he is. So there's a point in there for being entirely right.

Ntini 8
His little intro picture whenever he comes onto bowl is superb. He manages to look both fierce and chilled, summing up Makhaya perfectly.

He gets extra points for organising a little bowlers' huddle at the end of the 2nd innings so they could bond and tell each other how fantastic they'd been. They made AB stand outside the huddle, because he's not a bowler.

Prince 7
Prince gets 7 for sitting in a plastic chair all match and pointedly showing everyone that his thumb is just fine.



ETA: AB....I'm sorry.

Comments

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

See, you have to feel slightly guilty about forgetting AB as well.

McKenzie's sudden six was fantastic, it took everyone by suprise.

[sophia-silfaery.livejournal.com]

Where's AB????

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

He's there now! I'm sorry.

[sophia-silfaery.livejournal.com]

I MAY forgive you and rate your ratings as 11 because they make me giggle a lot.

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

You haven't rated AB!

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

That's terrible of me, I forgot him in the excitement. he's there now, with extra points to make up for it

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

Somewhere in Australia, a sudden feeling of calm is washing over AB de Villiers now, I'm sure.

Did you see the footage of Graeme kissing him on his neck? It was rather sweet.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

I didn't! Where? I want it *now*

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

It was on Sky Sports News. I have it on video. I'll see if I can tape it with my camera again, like with the zoo, if you want?

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

If it was on SSN, I must have it on my tape and missed it in all the hugging goodness. I shall search for it

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

It happened when they were lining up for the team 'yay for us!' photo afterwards. If you can't find it on your tape, here are two versions for you! Sorry about the quality:

Here (http://s222.photobucket.com/albums/dd90/_everyline/icons/Cricket/South%20Africa/video/?action=view&current=boys008.flv) and here (http://s222.photobucket.com/albums/dd90/_everyline/icons/Cricket/South%20Africa/video/?action=view&current=boys009.flv).

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

Oh! Thank you! *thinks about AB and Graeme for a while*

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

That's a very good way of spending some time.

[indian-skimmer.livejournal.com]

Gallo has a picture of AB kissing Mark Boucher, if that's any help.

[writan-bur.livejournal.com]

I agree, where's AB???

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

I forgot him because I'm a bad, bad person. He's there now.

[kale-hunni.livejournal.com]

I'm betting the commentators will describe Morne to the likeness of big foot? In the height department. It's a long shot but possible, who knows what Richie Benaud will say next.

Oh and am very upset as media reports have said Graeme will be missing the ODI series in Australia! Because of that ongoing elbow injury,
that means less Graeme and his fantasticness.

[lemonbella.livejournal.com]

Oh, they haven't used the big foot description, I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

I'm very sad about Graeme, but he really needs to get the injury sorted, and hopefully this will mean he gets to play the home series. I like to imagine him sat at home with someone feeding him grapes whilst he recovers.