The first of many, many Ashes posts.
Sep. 10th, 2006 08:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lemonbellaSo, it's the Big Announcement on Tuesday. The announcement that could well end in my mental breakdown. It's made all the worse by the fact I am at work and ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
indian_skimmer is having to entertain Alan Titchmarsh, so I won’t be able to find out till I get home.
Non cricket fans might want to ignore me for a few days, (if you're not ignoring me already). And then ignore me again from November 23rd – January 6th.
That is unless you enjoy seeing a grown woman go into meltdown; I'm told it's quite funny.
You see that big section in the middle? Yes, that's the bit about the wicket keeper. You might want to skip that part.
Batsmen
Trescothick
There's Something going on, and it could well be the end of the road for him, not least because everyone seems fed up with having to skirt around the issue. However, Tres is one of the biggest single reasons for the turnaround in English fortunes and with Strauss he's formed the most successful English opening partnership in a long, long time. The back up batsman is an opener for a reason, but we should hope we don’t have to use him. England are better with Trescothick in the side, even if everyone has to be careful not to make loud noises behind him.
Strauss
Strauss should be worshipped as a God, and people don’t do it enough. That's all I have to say really. Oh, and he should be captain, if only for his ability not to running screaming when everything goes to hell, as it inevitably will.
Bell
I was a huge doubter of Bell's last summer, *cough*Thorpe*cough* but he appears to have become a Batting God since the winter tour. His bowling and fielding give him a huge edge over Cook for the number three spot. However, I think Fletcher should give him the same lecture my mother used to give me about proper sun protection. There are plenty of guys he can ask to apply it if there are hard to reach areas.
Pietersen
We're going to have to accept he'll sometimes be out for 17, sweeping into the hands of a waiting fielder, but it's worth it for the occasional match winning 137. Also, his propensity to wander around half naked encourages all the others to do it. It's an invaluable contribution to the team.
Collingwood
I have a few doubts about Collingwood's batting technique on Australian pitches, but everyone was saying that about his test technique full stop and he's proven them wrong. His fielding is invaluable and I'd pick him just on his willingness to try and physically intimidate Matthew Hayden, which is quite hard for a man of a 5ft10".
Cook
Cook's the guy who would miss out from the final eleven. He shows promise, no doubt, but we're lucky in the batting department and his fielding works against him. In addition, holding him back would make sense given the concerns over Trescothick. If you play Cook at 3 and then have to move him to open, two changes have to be made instead of just the one. Also, the more attractive the England team, the more successful they are and Cook really needs to work on his attractiveness.
All Rounders
Flintoff
Of course Flintoff's a given. It's slightly scary that we just don’t have any others worthy of note. When you're counting Paul Collingwood as an all-rounder it's time to employ two large men to carry Flintoff everywhere so he only has to use his legs when he's actually playing.
Wicket Keepers
Predictably, the media would like to say there's a whole load of debate about this one. This is mainly because none of them seem to be able to write any stories that don't involve a) cutting and pasting articles they've written in the past, and b) kicking Geraint Jones.
However, if the selectors are concentrating on cricket instead of newspapers, (and there's no guarantee they are…) there really shouldn’t be any debate about which two 'keepers to take: Read is in possession, Jones has won the Ashes and his wicket keeping has been superb for the last year. I feel compelled to outline my reasons for taking Jones (and playing him if he's in form) because I don’t trust the selectors, I've got a lot of time on my hands, and I get a perverse pleasure in making the same point over and over again to the irritation of everyone else.
1) If they're not going to take him, or not going to try to get him back into contention, what the hell have they been doing for the last two years? He was picked to score runs which he did until the start of this summer. They stuck with him while he learned his keeping and he's proven himself comparable at an international level. To suddenly lose total faith is ridiculous and a return to the bizarre selection policies of the 1990s.
2) In the Ashes and beyond we need someone who can score *significant* runs at no 7: The game has changed, we don’t have the luxury of picking a specialist 'keeper anymore, and it's not good enough to have a lucky 20 or 30. The history of the last 20 years of Ashes defeats has been our collapse after number six (often after number two, but that's another issue). Runs from the lower order are crucial. We need a guy who can score centuries and half centuries, Jones has proven he can. I doubt Read's ability to do so against a decent attack. Also, on Australian pitches you leave out the guys who can cut and pull at your peril.
3) The English media have this ridiculous habit of sentimentalising the wicket keeping position. Apparently, your wicket keeper has to be eccentric and 'nuggety' rather than being able to hit the ball. Apparently, looking tidy behind the stumps is more important than attempting to catch the ball. Apparently, appealing and encouraging your bowlers is a little uncouth. Personally, I suspect that behind all that rubbish is the erroneous belief that the English wicket keeper shouldn’t speak with an Australian accent.
4) Attitude: People deride it, but it's a clear part of Fletcher's selection strategy and a key factor in the success of the last two years. Jones is competitive, combative and not afraid to hit Glenn McGrath for sixes. This is no ordinary series; this is going to be hell. Tight games and series are won, not by sessions or days, but by moments. That means players have to have the mental ability to take those moments: 85 at Trent Bridge; 27 off 10 balls at Old Trafford; The catch at Edgbaston, and the one off Strauss's thigh shows he has that and in particular, continues to have it under pressure.
Form is of course an issue and as much as my heart tells me otherwise, Read is a better option than an out-of-form Jones. However, to give us the best chance England need to give Jones an opportunity to get form back in Australia, not just through playing in warm up matches, but also through actually coaching him. Players don’t score the way he has and then just turn out not to be any good. If they do, it should be considered a failure of management and coaching, as well as the player himself. Sending people back to their counties to work on problems has always struck me as kind of ridiculous.
If he's back in form they should play him in Brisbane - even though it will be universally slated by the media and it throws Jones back into the Lion's den. If he's not back in form they should do that other thing. The thing I can't bring myself to contemplate.
Btw, if the other thing happens we should all prepare ourselves to go from 332-5 to 366 all out. It's an awful lot easier to cope with if you prepare yourself in advance.
Bowlers
Harmison
Despite having a wonky radar and finding it hard to play without his friends, Harmy should be the first name on any team list. He wins matches, and sometimes it's as simple as that. Also, we can't expect Hoggy to manage the attractive bowler role all by himself.
Hoggard
I honestly can't imagine a team without Hoggy in it, and the selectors would be ridonculous to even consider it. He's struggled before in Australia but he's a significantly improved player since then, also I suspect he didn’t have his magic piece of string with him.
Plunkett
He's erratic to say the least, but not as erratic as Mahmood. He's able to keep it tighter for longer spells, and that's what the fourth seamer needs to be able to do. He does have the worrying tendency to wear white shell suits, but maybe going on tour with some of the more sartorial players (so far, surprisingly, Hoggy leads the pack) might help him to sort that out.
Mahmood
I expect Mahmood and Plunkett to both play at various times throughout the series; but I'd edge towards Plunkett slightly. However, bearing in mind our bowlers' abilities to trip over themselves, I'm preparing myself for them both having to play at the same time.
Panesar
On the spinning tracks, Panesar is really the only option, as Giles hasn't played cricket in a year. We haven't really seen enough of him, but he's done plenty enough to show it's worth persevering. The Aussies are very clearly singling him out on and off the pitch, so we're just going to have to keep our fingers crossed that he can deal with the taunts, racism and bottles flying from the Aussie crowds. We're also going to have to pay very close attention to who we bat at seven (that's code for "Play Jones" for those who hadn't noticed), given that our tail will start at eight.
Dalrymple
There might be occasions when we need to play two spinners, and when that's the case it doesn't make sense to have two left armers, especially with Giles having played no cricket. JD doesn't really leap on other players enough for me to consider him a worthy member of the team, but maybe that's something the coaches could work on.
Broad
So the final space is filled by a fantastically good looking, jailbait bowler who could do worse than spend a summer in Australia leaning on Geraint Jones guy who will be our main strike bowler next time around. The advantage of taking Broad is that if several bowlers manage to fall over each other in training (and we shouldn't discount that as a possibility) he could actually play, and possibly do well. However, we shouldn’t fall into the trap of playing him simply because he's all shiny; Australia is no place to baptise a fast bowler.
People who can't walk but who I'd take just to lounge around the pool looking attractive:
Simon Jones, Michael Vaughan, James Anderson, and Ashley Giles (he's slightly less attractive than the others, but it'd be mean to leave him at home if the others are coming).
Whatever the announcement, I'm going to spend my winter screaming, cheering, crying and throwing Shane the Australian Penguin at the TV. Although, I will be doing it all very quietly as my neighbours will be fast asleep.
I need some Ashes countdown icons. More importantly, I need some icons mocking Australian cricketers.
indian_skimmer is having to entertain Alan Titchmarsh, so I won’t be able to find out till I get home. Non cricket fans might want to ignore me for a few days, (if you're not ignoring me already). And then ignore me again from November 23rd – January 6th.
That is unless you enjoy seeing a grown woman go into meltdown; I'm told it's quite funny.
You see that big section in the middle? Yes, that's the bit about the wicket keeper. You might want to skip that part.
Batsmen
Trescothick
There's Something going on, and it could well be the end of the road for him, not least because everyone seems fed up with having to skirt around the issue. However, Tres is one of the biggest single reasons for the turnaround in English fortunes and with Strauss he's formed the most successful English opening partnership in a long, long time. The back up batsman is an opener for a reason, but we should hope we don’t have to use him. England are better with Trescothick in the side, even if everyone has to be careful not to make loud noises behind him.
Strauss
Strauss should be worshipped as a God, and people don’t do it enough. That's all I have to say really. Oh, and he should be captain, if only for his ability not to running screaming when everything goes to hell, as it inevitably will.
Bell
I was a huge doubter of Bell's last summer, *cough*Thorpe*cough* but he appears to have become a Batting God since the winter tour. His bowling and fielding give him a huge edge over Cook for the number three spot. However, I think Fletcher should give him the same lecture my mother used to give me about proper sun protection. There are plenty of guys he can ask to apply it if there are hard to reach areas.
Pietersen
We're going to have to accept he'll sometimes be out for 17, sweeping into the hands of a waiting fielder, but it's worth it for the occasional match winning 137. Also, his propensity to wander around half naked encourages all the others to do it. It's an invaluable contribution to the team.
Collingwood
I have a few doubts about Collingwood's batting technique on Australian pitches, but everyone was saying that about his test technique full stop and he's proven them wrong. His fielding is invaluable and I'd pick him just on his willingness to try and physically intimidate Matthew Hayden, which is quite hard for a man of a 5ft10".
Cook
Cook's the guy who would miss out from the final eleven. He shows promise, no doubt, but we're lucky in the batting department and his fielding works against him. In addition, holding him back would make sense given the concerns over Trescothick. If you play Cook at 3 and then have to move him to open, two changes have to be made instead of just the one. Also, the more attractive the England team, the more successful they are and Cook really needs to work on his attractiveness.
All Rounders
Flintoff
Of course Flintoff's a given. It's slightly scary that we just don’t have any others worthy of note. When you're counting Paul Collingwood as an all-rounder it's time to employ two large men to carry Flintoff everywhere so he only has to use his legs when he's actually playing.
Wicket Keepers
Predictably, the media would like to say there's a whole load of debate about this one. This is mainly because none of them seem to be able to write any stories that don't involve a) cutting and pasting articles they've written in the past, and b) kicking Geraint Jones.
However, if the selectors are concentrating on cricket instead of newspapers, (and there's no guarantee they are…) there really shouldn’t be any debate about which two 'keepers to take: Read is in possession, Jones has won the Ashes and his wicket keeping has been superb for the last year. I feel compelled to outline my reasons for taking Jones (and playing him if he's in form) because I don’t trust the selectors, I've got a lot of time on my hands, and I get a perverse pleasure in making the same point over and over again to the irritation of everyone else.
1) If they're not going to take him, or not going to try to get him back into contention, what the hell have they been doing for the last two years? He was picked to score runs which he did until the start of this summer. They stuck with him while he learned his keeping and he's proven himself comparable at an international level. To suddenly lose total faith is ridiculous and a return to the bizarre selection policies of the 1990s.
2) In the Ashes and beyond we need someone who can score *significant* runs at no 7: The game has changed, we don’t have the luxury of picking a specialist 'keeper anymore, and it's not good enough to have a lucky 20 or 30. The history of the last 20 years of Ashes defeats has been our collapse after number six (often after number two, but that's another issue). Runs from the lower order are crucial. We need a guy who can score centuries and half centuries, Jones has proven he can. I doubt Read's ability to do so against a decent attack. Also, on Australian pitches you leave out the guys who can cut and pull at your peril.
3) The English media have this ridiculous habit of sentimentalising the wicket keeping position. Apparently, your wicket keeper has to be eccentric and 'nuggety' rather than being able to hit the ball. Apparently, looking tidy behind the stumps is more important than attempting to catch the ball. Apparently, appealing and encouraging your bowlers is a little uncouth. Personally, I suspect that behind all that rubbish is the erroneous belief that the English wicket keeper shouldn’t speak with an Australian accent.
4) Attitude: People deride it, but it's a clear part of Fletcher's selection strategy and a key factor in the success of the last two years. Jones is competitive, combative and not afraid to hit Glenn McGrath for sixes. This is no ordinary series; this is going to be hell. Tight games and series are won, not by sessions or days, but by moments. That means players have to have the mental ability to take those moments: 85 at Trent Bridge; 27 off 10 balls at Old Trafford; The catch at Edgbaston, and the one off Strauss's thigh shows he has that and in particular, continues to have it under pressure.
Form is of course an issue and as much as my heart tells me otherwise, Read is a better option than an out-of-form Jones. However, to give us the best chance England need to give Jones an opportunity to get form back in Australia, not just through playing in warm up matches, but also through actually coaching him. Players don’t score the way he has and then just turn out not to be any good. If they do, it should be considered a failure of management and coaching, as well as the player himself. Sending people back to their counties to work on problems has always struck me as kind of ridiculous.
If he's back in form they should play him in Brisbane - even though it will be universally slated by the media and it throws Jones back into the Lion's den. If he's not back in form they should do that other thing. The thing I can't bring myself to contemplate.
Btw, if the other thing happens we should all prepare ourselves to go from 332-5 to 366 all out. It's an awful lot easier to cope with if you prepare yourself in advance.
Bowlers
Harmison
Despite having a wonky radar and finding it hard to play without his friends, Harmy should be the first name on any team list. He wins matches, and sometimes it's as simple as that. Also, we can't expect Hoggy to manage the attractive bowler role all by himself.
Hoggard
I honestly can't imagine a team without Hoggy in it, and the selectors would be ridonculous to even consider it. He's struggled before in Australia but he's a significantly improved player since then, also I suspect he didn’t have his magic piece of string with him.
Plunkett
He's erratic to say the least, but not as erratic as Mahmood. He's able to keep it tighter for longer spells, and that's what the fourth seamer needs to be able to do. He does have the worrying tendency to wear white shell suits, but maybe going on tour with some of the more sartorial players (so far, surprisingly, Hoggy leads the pack) might help him to sort that out.
Mahmood
I expect Mahmood and Plunkett to both play at various times throughout the series; but I'd edge towards Plunkett slightly. However, bearing in mind our bowlers' abilities to trip over themselves, I'm preparing myself for them both having to play at the same time.
Panesar
On the spinning tracks, Panesar is really the only option, as Giles hasn't played cricket in a year. We haven't really seen enough of him, but he's done plenty enough to show it's worth persevering. The Aussies are very clearly singling him out on and off the pitch, so we're just going to have to keep our fingers crossed that he can deal with the taunts, racism and bottles flying from the Aussie crowds. We're also going to have to pay very close attention to who we bat at seven (that's code for "Play Jones" for those who hadn't noticed), given that our tail will start at eight.
Dalrymple
There might be occasions when we need to play two spinners, and when that's the case it doesn't make sense to have two left armers, especially with Giles having played no cricket. JD doesn't really leap on other players enough for me to consider him a worthy member of the team, but maybe that's something the coaches could work on.
Broad
So the final space is filled by a
People who can't walk but who I'd take just to lounge around the pool looking attractive:
Simon Jones, Michael Vaughan, James Anderson, and Ashley Giles (he's slightly less attractive than the others, but it'd be mean to leave him at home if the others are coming).
Whatever the announcement, I'm going to spend my winter screaming, cheering, crying and throwing Shane the Australian Penguin at the TV. Although, I will be doing it all very quietly as my neighbours will be fast asleep.
I need some Ashes countdown icons. More importantly, I need some icons mocking Australian cricketers.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-09-10 09:14 pm (UTC)I would love to see Strauss as Captain, mainly because he's a lot more calm and considered, and also because he's less likely to decide that he has to do everything himself when it's not going the right way and then break himself.
Gary Pratt has to go to. Just to say 'hello' to Ponting every morning.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-10 09:14 pm (UTC)*facepalm*
no subject
Date: 2006-09-11 05:57 pm (UTC)I think our entire Ashes strategy ought to revolve around pissing Ricky Ponting off. He's so easy to wind up and it's funny to watch.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-11 08:20 pm (UTC)Hmmmm, what else could the boys do? Slowly replace everyone with subs as the match progresses?
no subject
Date: 2006-09-12 09:19 pm (UTC)And maybe find out what sandwich filling he really hates and keep offering them to him.
Basically, the pettier the better.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-13 02:31 pm (UTC)Or they could find that transvestite that beat him up and get her/him on as a sub!
no subject
Date: 2006-09-13 04:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-13 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-14 12:06 pm (UTC)Some of the England players should dress up as women and try and chat him up.